Recently, I’ve been thinking about the potential for self-harm or self-care and the sometimes subtle differences between the two when it comes to questions we hold inside and things we don’t say out loud.
Pondering and inquiring are part of the delightful gifts we all posses, and can happen deeply and privately within the sanctuary of our own consciousness. What happens though, when we question and inquire and don’t discuss with another person? What happens when something meaningful to us goes unsaid?
What occurs when something meaningful to us goes unsaid, or is unrecognized within our families (of choice or origin) or even the larger context of society? It’s important to weigh this out especially in light of self-harm or self-care because sometimes it’s not much that tips something rather simple or seemingly benign into something harmful.
In the world of micro-aggressions, where one isn’t a problem, but many is way too much, how do we measure the camels last straw for ourselves and say this is enough, here’s a boundary, or this hurts, please no more? It’s often delicate and hard for many of us to speak up for ourselves, and it’s even trickier when we aren’t speaking to another but addressing ourselves. I think this gets really wildly profound when you consider how difficult it might be for us to ask ourselves these questions or voice our concerns. This is hurting me, and I am the cause. This pattern of thinking is causing me harm, this emotional loop is creating discomfort – how can we address this internally, with our own counsel, or as if we were our own best friend rather than enemy?
Ultimately, as I’ve said before – we walk our inner talk – so in continuing this thread, how can we ask ourselves and others our burning questions? How might we approach ourselves and others and kindly mention things important to us but previously unsaid?
There are many ways to raise our concerns and speak out and up. Sometimes we truly are listened to; sometimes the action of voice out loud can dissipate anger, frustrations, resentments, and confusion. It’s helpful to know that we can reduce our habits of harming ourselves on gross and subtle levels, and that we can say what we need and heal relationships, create healthy and thoughtful boundaries, and take really great care of ourselves. We can literally walk our inner talk, hear each other, listen and receive.